Too Much Awesomeness

New Great Housewife Quest - Keeping Out the Dirt!

Here’s what the Housewife’s Handbook tells me about how to keep the house clean:

 

The basis of household cleaning is the prevention of the accumulation of dirt.  It includes plans for keeping out as much of it as possible, and for systematic and frequent removal of what inevitably gets into the house.
 
Door mats at the outer doors help to prevent tracking dirt into the house.  The daily sweeping of walks and porches takes less time in the long run than cleaning up dirt after it has been tracked in.

A new door mat.  That’s not cleaning, that’s shopping!  Consider that one done!

 

But the daily sweeping of walks seems a little bit overwhelming.  And I don’t just say that because I’m trying to avoid cleaning every day.  Here’s the path up to the house. 

 

 

That’s a lot of plants.  Which means a lot of sweeping.

 

I’m also not sure that’s really the problem.  I think this might be a bigger dirt problem:

 

 

That’s our dog playing with the dog next door.  Their favorite thing:  jumping in the jacuzzi to get wet, jumping in the dirt to get muddy, then running into the house. 

 

Maybe I can teach them to wipe their paws on the new door mat?

How to Keep a House Clean - Learn with Me!

The first chapter of my Housewife’s Handbook tackles keeping the house clean.

That’s a big thing to start with.  What’s wrong with easing into things?  Why not start with a “Best Drinks To Make When You’re Greeting Your Husband with a Cocktail” chapter?  Or even “How to Always Dress Your Best”, which could involve shopping and new clothes.

But forget all that, Welcome to Cleaning.

Here’s how the book starts:

Every homemaker has her own standard of cleanliness for her home.

Which makes me ask:  What are my standards for cleanliness?  Hmm…  Here’s a corner of the living room to give you an idea:

Clearly,  I have a lot to learn.  But where to begin?

Luckily, the book starts with a definition of cleaning for me:

Cleaning is the removal of dirt from the paint, varnish, fabric, enamel, glass, meal and other surfaces found in the home.  Dirt has been scientifically described as matter out of place. 

The problem is clear:  Things are dirty because I didn’t know the scientific meaning of dirt.  Now, though, I have no excuse.  Time to clean!!

 

Mastering 1001 Housekeeping Arts

So I've thrown myself right into my Housewife's Handbook.  And there was a lot to learn, even in the introduction.

Here's what it said:

Keeping house can be one of the most interesting or exasperating jobs in the world.  Running a home is not as easy job, but it can be interesting, and it need never be exasperating.  The women who enjoy housework are those who fully realize the tremendous importance and responsiblity of their jobs, and bring to it a willingness to learn and master the thousand and one arts that go into making a house a home.  Such women... are generally dubbed "born housekeepers."  Actually born housekeepers are rarities, and any woman who is willing to devote her energy, talent and imagination to learning the arts of the domestic science can become one.
 
Time and motion experts reduce the motions of completing a given task to it simplest elements to save both time and energy.  If we stop to consider the many tasks that have to be performed in the home in the above light, we will soon realize that we are squandering much of our time and energy in excess or wasted motion.

I, too, am concerned about squandering my time and energy in wasted motion.  That is why, instead of cleaning the kitchen, I watch a lot of TV.  Very little wasted motion there.

This housewife thing is going to be a lot of WORK.  Mastering a thousand and one arts?!  I am hoping at this point that they secretly mean baking 1,001 different kinds of cookies, because anything else seems scary.

I've Got a Housewife's Handbook!

Last time, I was confused about keeping house.  But I discovered I don't have to figure out this housewife thing on my own.

That's right, back in the 50's, someone wrote The Housewife's Handbook.  And now that Handbook is MINE!

What will I learn?  How to cook, clean, sew, and meet the Fiance at the door at 6pm with a cocktail?  Maybe I'll learn that it's not appropriate to drink all the cocktails myself and leave him drink-less?  Maybe I'll learn that throwing all the clothes from the floor into the closet is not the proper way to clean?  Maybe I'll learn that ordering pizza because it's late and you just got home from work and you're starving and can not deal with cooking is not what good housewives do.

Maybe.  Maybe I'll learn all of those things.  I'll read it and let you know.

I'll become a housewife, so you don't have to!

What's that? Do I want to be a Housewife?

My mom cooked.  She cleaned.  She baked bread from scratch and made our sandwiches for school lunches.  She cut and sewed our clothes, spending hours bent over the sewing machine after we’d gone to bed.

 

 

Moms like that are few and far between these days.  It sounds great.  But it wasn’t to a kid.  I didn’t want baked bread, I wanted Wonder Bread.  Or, ideally, I wanted to be given money to buy lunch at school, like the rich kids did.  I didn’t want clothes my mom sewed herself, I wanted Guess jeans and Polo shirts.

 

So I rebelled.  I refused to learn to do laundry or cook.  I focused all my energy on getting out of Missouri.  I left as quickly as I could, off to an all women’s college, where no one wanted to be a housewife.  From there, I moved to New York to be an investment banker – pretty much the opposite of a housewife.  I worked 80 hour weeks.  I fought with my boss who told me that he didn't "want to listen to a skirt."  I had an assistant, and had to learn how to manage someone as I still learning how to manage life in the workplace.  I never cooked – that’s what ordering in and restaurants were for.  No need to sew or knit, either.  We even had a housekeeper who came in once every three weeks.

 

 

 

Years passed, and things changed a little – I left New York for LA.  Everyone told me that I would hate it, and while it took some getting used to, I’ve settled into life in California.  It’s not only better weather, but a better quality of life.  I changed jobs.  No more 80 hour work weeks, no more being called a “skirt” by my boss.   

 

But after many smaller changes, lately things have changed a lot.  Now I’m getting married. 

 

It’s confusing, because off at that fancy women’s college, no one taught me what does it mean to a wife.  Is it baked bread?  Sewing?  Cleaning?  It might not be to everyone, but I was kind of surprised to discover that I sort of want that.  There’s a part of me that (apologies to Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan), wants to garden and bake pies for my husband-to-be.

 

I really like pies.