I've become a little bit obsessed with making baby things lately. I haven't really talked about it with friends, because I'm worried it would make me seem a little crazy. A person who lost two babies crafting for an imaginary baby that she hopes that she'll get pregnant with and will live.... I'm well aware that this might make me seem a little unhinged.
But there's no hiding it from my husband. The fabric I bought for a baby blanket has been tucked away untouched so far, but the knitting happens while I sit next to him on the couch watching TV. I assumed that he knew what was happening, but just didn't want to ask me about it. He's very sweet and supportive when I get sad, but tends not to bring our baby or other babies up to me, in fear that it will end in tears (this is not an unfounded fear).
It started with my teeny greeny sweater (see it here and read about it here). It moved on to a little yellow onesie. The computer was out because I was trying to teach myself knitting in the round on double pointed needles. It was semi-succeessful on the first sleeve, much better on the second:
And then on to some yarn I loved for a multicolored onesie:
Lots of baby knitting, and finally a question from my husband. "Who's that for?"
I was thrown. I didn't answer. I thought he knew. These things are for hope.
He thought they were gifts.
I finally managed "Someone. They're for someone. Someday."
I hope that's true.