My husband is better at letting things go than I am. This is obvious in so many ways. But it's very obvious when it comes to the baby.
I've been carrying my hurt and anger, nuturing it and letting it grow. It's always at the forefront on my mind - what did this person do when we went through the worst time in our life?
Him: "Do you want to get together with Emma and Steve?"
Me: "Did she ever mention the baby to you?"
Him: "I don't remember."
But I remember. When I ask what they said or did, it's completely rhetorical. I know exactly who did what. It's so etched in my heart that it's hard for me to relate to the fact that he truly doesn't know.
I have felt very separate and isolated from most of the people that we used to know. I've pulled away from people - even those who have reached out to me - and have then felt more separate and isolated.
I know that it is me, not them. Sometimes people said things that hurt me. Sometimes they said nothing at all, and that hurt me. Sometimes they said the kindness and most thoughtful things, and I was so hurt that it didn't matter. I didn't feel like I could speak the language of small talk any more, so didn't want to talk to anyone.
I'm starting to try to let this go, all this hurt and anger.