Too Much Awesomeness

Baby's first scare... and the heartbeat

I've been anxiously awaiting today's appointment, since we were going to have an ultrasound.

Then yesterday, I started to bleed.  Just for a short time, but enough to be scary.  I was terrified and tried to prepare myself for the worst.  And by "prepare myself", I mean that I cried. 

I didn't want to do the shots.  I didn't want to go to the doctor's.  If bad things were going to happen, I just wanted to stop and ignore it.

But that didn't happen.

Last night, I injected myself with the shots.

And today I went into the doctor.

And he was there.  Right on track size-wise for where he should be. 

We saw the little teeny heart beating.  We heart the swoosh swoosh. 

And I cried again.

 

Positive

We got the news.

The blood test was positive. 

As of today, as of right this moment, I am pregnant.

It's kind of hard to wrap my head around. 

It's amazing.  It's overwhelming.

I have to remind myself that this is just one small part of a long journey.  We got this far, but have further to go.

But... we got this far!  That is pretty amazing. 

Hang in there, little buddy.  I want more than anything to meet you in November.

 

Waiting

So waiting sucks.

I have no symptoms, which I know is normal considering it's only been five days since the transfer, but it's still making me crazy.

I am scheduled for two blood tests - one this Wed and one on Friday. 

On Friday we will know.

I want to know now.  But yet, there's a part of me that never wants to know.  I'm so terrified that it won't be good news.

This Friday leads into an emotional weekend.  March 15th, two years ago, I went into the hospital, and learned that our little girl had died.  She was born on March 16th.

To have this all happening over these same days is a bit much to deal with.  I'm actually trying to force myself not to think about it.  I'm not sure how successful I will be. 

And so I wait.

 

 

Wish us.... luck?

It's done. 

We went in this morning for the embryo transfer.  We picked embryo #1.  It was slighly further along in development than the other good embryo, so we're hoping that means it will have a sightly better chance of making it.

It's the boy.  All sorts of feelings about that.  Good ones, hard ones.

But that embryo unfroze well and looked good, and that's what is important. 

So I filled my bladder.  I took the valium they gave me.  And in the embryo went. 

I started to cry when we saw the fluid with that little microscopic boy wush in on the ultrasound. 

"Does it hurt?" my husband asked. 

It didn't hurt.  Physically.  It was just so overwhelming.  So much leading up to that moment.  So much at stake. 

And now we wait.  I take more shots.  I rest.  And I wait.  And hope.  And wait.  And hope.